I had coffee today (uh-oh!)

TODAY is the fourth day after I tried to kick out coffee from my system and I am winning, or I was winning until this morning when I lost the battle and gave in to the temptation. The clock struck 3:30 a.m. and the world was eerily silent, broken only by the sounds I made as I rapped away on my keyboard, pausing once in a while to sip the scalding black liquid in my favorite mug. An unanticipated power outage (yes we know that’s not news on Saipan) forced me to go to bed at 11 pm last night. I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and jumped out of bed to erase all traces of sleep from my system. A deadline was beating down my neck and this is one battle I could not lose.

AHhh, the sweet aroma of coffee assailed my nostrils as I paused to sniff before each blissful sip. I remember walking toward the refrigerator to down a glass of cold water but my eyes strayed towards the top of the fridge where the coffee paraphernalia sneered at me invitingly.
Before I knew it, I was already pouring a spoonful of ground coffee in the coffee maker. I remember mechanically plugging it in and closing the door of my room to try to blot out musical gurgling sound of coffee dripping into the glass container. The closed door however could not stop the tantalizing smell of coffee from permeating through the room I had to take a deep breath.
The other night was pure torture. I had to swallow my saliva several times as I watched at my companion sip a cup of coffee at Shirley’s while waiting for our dinner. (I can’t mention his name here because we are not supposed to be seen together anywhere, particularly in “enemy” territory …LOL) Knowing me to be a coffee drinker, he was about to order two but I shook my head (oh if he only knew what an effort that action took) and I ordered a glass of water instead. Uhmm, I mean a glass filled with 90 percent ice cubes and 10 percent water.
I tried to look everywhere except on my companion’s cup. My agony was doubled when his cup was refilled a few minutes after. When the waitress offered a third refill, I was tempted to kick him under the table to get it for me. I had to fork ice cubes from my glass and stuff it to my mouth to fight the urge to order coffee. I won the battle that night and attacked my order of spicy chicken wings with a vengeance.
I never meant to get addicted to coffee. I mean I’m not a coffee addict. I drink my coffee without creamer and I don’t take my coffee black. Just half a spoonful every- uhmm three times a day. The first thing I do after turning on my computer at the office is to pour a sachet of two-in-one coffee into my mug, head to the water dispenser in the kitchen and presto, i sip coffee as I check emails and other stuff online. By other stuff this includes “fan” mails from who wish to fan the life out of me by their vicious letters for stories that I wrote the previous day. Thanks to coffee I can bear it all.
The decision to stop curb my drinking coffee came when last week when I took a day off and stayed at home. No coffee in the morning. At about noon my body started to sense that something was very wrong, or some part of me was missing. By afternoon, I was fidgeting and sweating and only became “normal” again after I’ve had a cup of instant coffee.
I have a jar of Nescafe on top of the refrigerator, dozens of sachets of two-in-one coffee (minus the creamer) which I bought in Manila when I went home last May. Underneath a pile of papers in my desk, I had sachets of coffee and another jar of Nescafe behind my CPU.
I bought a pack of tea at San Jose and tried to convince myself that it’s the same with coffee. I drank juice and chomped on ice cubes and stayed away from the kitchen in our office during coffee break and succeeded, for four days.
I know I filled the four-cup coffee maker. I know I would be too weak to resist heating the rest of the coffee when I arrive home tonight. Okay, just this once…and I’ll start the battle once again tomorrow.
I won i won i won!!! i was nursing a steaming mug of coffee in my hands this morning and was about to take a sip but then I went to the sink and poured the coffee into the drain. What a waste but then it was a victory.

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